Culinary Brilliance

If I were given a Food Network show, I think it would be titled "What the Hell did I just Eat?" It would be based entirely around my ability to cook food that tastes like other things. Among my signature recipes are my blackened leather chicken, my salt flavored eggs and my Pièce de résistance, my five alarm kitchen-fire rice. I'm one of those old fashioned types that thinks that cooking is a hell of a romantic way to show someone you care about them. Realistically though, I need to play to my strengths, so until I become a better cook I'm going to only make meals for other people as a passive aggressive form of revenge.

Tonight I ended up making dinner. This is mainly due to the fact that the Greek place down the street is closed on Sunday. Now I'm not one to brag, but I must say that the food I made was actually semi-edible. I made curry pork, green beans(from a can), and red beans and rice. I recognize that most of these dishes come with explicit cooking instructions, but this usually doesn't stop my ADD and super-heating stove top from ruining most home cooked meals. All in all I'm pretty proud of myself. My cooking has gone from college cafeteria good to prison food good. Based on my made up Edibility Advisory System Color Chart prison food is only three shades away from delicious!

A picture to inspire:
"Cook better or I will cut you" - (loosely paraphrased)