"He belongs in a museum!"

So I saw the new Indiana Jones tonight...I can say that I was sufficiently whelmed. I want to say that I was astoundingly impressed but that whole last act sort of put the brakes on any statements about how incredible it was.

I walked into the film expecting to find a that a paunchy old man would spoil all of my childhood memories of Indiana Jones. Having seen the film I'll kind of stand by that statement; that man was George Lucas. The story, devised by Lucas, reminds me why I've hated most of the things he's done in the last decade. Honestly the man doesn't seem to bother with any concept of subtlety anymore. Spielberg's role in the more obnoxious moments seems to come as a result of fan service. Spielberg himself described the film as "the sweet dessert I give those who had to chow down on the bitter herbs that I've used in Munich"(wikipedia you're my only friend). The more saccharine moments come in the form of gophers, monkeys and sweet but slightly uncomfortable dialog that is pretty hit or miss. All I can say is that somewhere between Lucas and Spielberg a lot of bad ideas deemed "too stupid" for earlier drafts of the script seem to have made their way back to the fray.

!!!!!Spoiler!!!!!!-apparently a Frigidaire can save you from nuclear fallout.

To be completely honest with you though, Indy films have never really been about brilliantly crafted plots. At best they're usually a kind of Macguffin in which we get to watch Indy travel the world, kick ass and flesh out relationships with the rest of the cast. As far as ancient mysteries go I'd say the driving story behind the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull veers between interesting and mildly insane a bit too often for my taste. If you've heard spoilers concerning ideas that seem too out there even for an Indiana Jones film, then rest assured, they're all true.

Concerning the cast, I would say the whole film had a real love/hate thing going for me. I personally dig Shia Labeouf and thought he played the role extremely well. It was odd seeing an older Karen Allen that has gone from hot Tomboyish Marion Ravenwood to mother-figure...that transition is going to stick with me for a while. The rest of the cast was troublesome, mostly because the name actors are all incredibly talented, but really didn't have all that much to do in the movie. I found it kind of amazing that three actors as diverse and talented as Ray Winstone, Cate Blanchett and John Hurt could all end up taking a back seat to the main trio and end up mumbling incoherently about crystal skulls and Communism.

Then again, who goes to an Indiana Jones film to see the supporting cast? Harrison Ford is still the gruff and awesomely heroic Dr. Jones. Instead of going the "unstoppable over-the-top superman" route of the last Die Hard, Steven Spielberg kept the character as grounded as possible by allowing Indy to actually age. Aside from the occasional superbendy-CG-Indy, Indiana Jones still came off as competent and gritty. One thing I have always loved about watching Harrison Ford fight in the films is the inevitable drag-out brawl in which Indiana Jones gets his ass handed to him and eventually gets the upper hand by really throwing his weight around. Ford still has that working for him, and thankfully the fight scenes don't come off as watching an old man get his ass kicked.

In the end I really dug the core parts of what make up an Indiana Jones flick and walked away from realizing a bit more why Indy is such an iconic character. The goofy and outlandish parts made me cringe about as much as they made me chuckle. In between these two aspects of the
film I was pretty entertained and, possibly despite myself, am hoping to see a few more adventures with Indiana Jones and Mutt Williams before the franchise runs out of steam.

The Devil in the Details

To the millions of reader that I don't have: 1:40 is a perfect time for 24 oz of Mickey's, a snickers, Anne Dillard and some salad finely prepared by a fine Floridian friend. It's a scientific fact; don't try to refute it. Dillard says "The latest version of a literary work begins somewhere in the work's middle, and hardens toward the end. the earlier version remains lumpishly on the left; the work's beginning greets the reader with the wrong hand"
Mickey's, on the other hand tells me that MMA fighter Forrest Griffin is a 6'3 MMA fighter who's favorite technique is "anything that will work". What is the value of the synthesis? Not much other than Mickeys is fine when you've been drinking and Dillard is great when you've been convincing yourself of that value of being a writer. There's a concept of exchange that ties it all together.
The luck of the salad: the apple vinegar/mayonnaise dressing bleeds well enough between the tepid iceberg lettuce and the late-addition tomato to develop a taste that wouldn't happen without the key ingredients. It's the fun of food; it exists to blend senses without all the horrible mire of intellectual discourse. It tastes fine to me, and I'm starving.
The problem: "if you were good enough to get it done, you wouldn't be struggling with it in the first place." It's a fallacy. If you love something, you laboriously slam your head against the wall trying to define how exactly you'll approach it. You take hits, you trim the fat and eventually you find the point you were aiming for. The point in which the literary middle meets the anything will work approach and finds something worth saying. I'm not sure if I have that working for me so much as I have a manic and sincere need to say that there is some worthwhile in this world. The trick is finding an in and enticing people into believing in it. Bad illusions with good substance, like magic tricks with some sense of purpose. That is all I am really trying to understand: how to fool people with a relevant purpose. I give up for the night. I'll figure out the difference between writing and taking punches to the face tomorrow.

This is Funk

coachella...mmmm...good times among hippies, hipsters and overpriced Heineken. This was my first year there and I have to say that there will definitely be a second. Through a bit of good luck my friend had an extra ticket to day 2 and 3 so I spent a 48 hour period watching some of the best shows I've seen so far. Highlights-Cold War Kids rocked, I think The Shout Out Louds are going to help me kick my Cure habit. -Portishead- "It's like I'm going through a really trippy horror-movie carnival and Beth Gibbons is the leading me through to the other side" -(loosely paraphrased)- Jim James of My Morning Jacket{they also rocked}. Also, if you've never listened to Yoav, do give him a chance, if you're into trippy-mellow rock, give him a chance, you will not be disappointed.
Just in case anyone that was there reads this I would like to state, for the record, that my buddy was the guy in the first 10 rows that randomly barreled through the crowd halfway through Roger Water's first set. I was the guy following in tow. That was one of the more action packed moments of the whole Coachella experience. Roger Waters...what can I say but pillars of fire, giant pig balloon and Dark Side of the Moon in it's entirety. I'm not going to lie to you, I get a little teary-eyed when Wish You Were Here comes on...that's enough of that then...
Also, I would like to apologize to the families of the people that I crippled while dancing like a spastic during the Gogol Bordello and Justice sets. Their loss provided my entertainment so, you know...um sorry for the crippling. Other than my random limb flailing goodness Justice rocked the...tent...and Gogol Bordello made an entire crowd succumb to exhaustion using only pure rock-energy. Eugene Hütz and your rocking Giseppe mustache>. Those were probably my two favorite sets next to the headliners.
Last but never least, Prince! Brilliant Performer, brilliant Guitarist and Radiohead fan? He did a set so good that I'm still babbling about it to random internet strangers. Not only did he have a set that included Morris Day and the Time, Sheila E, and some of the sickest guitar riffs possible, he still he topped it with covers of "Come Together" and "Creep". He owned the crowd and left all but the haters thoroughly satisfied.
I have very little else to say other than that the week-long exhaustion and 5 hour round trip was more than worth it. The End.