My Own Private Armageddon

Birthdays are usually monumental occasions for me, but after the fun-filled hell of a year I've had between last September and this, I just kind of want to destroy the world with a giant laser or some kind of Bond-villain weather device. On my way back from London I made this list to pass the 10-hour plane trip. I figure what better time to post it than now?

Reasons I Will One Day Build a Doomsday Device

1-Inescapable apathy/frustration
2-The great ambitions of the powerful
3-Europop
4-Ex-girlfriends and their douche-bag new boyfriends
5-Simple minds with sharp tongues
6-blood pudding
7-uncomfortable travesties carried out in the name of religion
8-Meaningless injustice
9-burning crosses
10-ignorant loose-eyed fools
11-pouring a bowl of cereal to find out that the milk has gone bad
12-The fear that real connection between people is false
13-Anything released by ABBA
14-Because I am irrevocably made to be the bad guy
15-It would justify my want to grow a Fu Manchu mustache
16-Eleventh grade gym class
17-"All the lonely people..."

Reasons I'll Give up My Evil Plan Seconds Before Pushing the Button

1-Unprovoked acts of kindness
2-The great ambitions of the selfless
3-Bob Marley love songs
4-The vague promise of better days
5-The wisdom of people that know before they profess
6-Boston Cream Pie
7-Personal faith as a moral compass
8-Ideals of a just and fair law
9-The quiet empty places that you can only describe as sacred
10-The spontaneous, undirected moments that come with being a loose-eyed fool
11-Finding a long lost $20 in a favorite pair of jeans
12-The glimpses of people outside of their social posturing
13-Michael Jackson circa 1987, The Clash, all things Sublime and all that which is not ABBA
14-Fiery women and all the trouble that comes with them
15-Back Massages
16-College debauchery and mild times among good friends
17-Waterloo Sunset...