Defining Moments (through drink!)

I find the most interesting thing about trying to be a good guy is that I spend just as much time convincing myself to do the right thing as I do convincing other people that I'm a decent human being. I often wonder if this is a universal phenomenon or if I'm in some kind of odd subset of person that feels the need to keep things ethically sound and usually comes off as an asshole anyway. This would usually lead to some kind of melodramatic self-pity, but right now I'm more entertained embracing my flaws and deflecting the criticism I don't care for. Last time I tried this I was branded a bad person by someone very interesting, so for posterity sake I'm going to roll with this feeling while I'm still on a high note. Here's a short list of people I appreciate and something they've offered me-the list is incomplete, written entirely with them in mind, and will probably never be read by any of them. Should I never get anywhere in my writing, we'll call this an awkward dedication to nothing in particular.

James-who taught me the rules of engagement and that criticism doesn't mean a thing if you don't give it authority

Josh-who teaches me the value of being all heart, and that you will always have to make tough choices to get ahead

Jonar-who constantly helps me refine the random thoughts I'm mulling over at the cost of time and extreme patience. The man is a testament to a responsibility I wish I could match

Robert-who tries to keep it classy even when I abandon the concept entirely. He taught me that listening to other people is always a worthwhile practice

Jenny-an honest woman, and someone that has put herself out to help people she loves. She's a fighter, has incredible heart and reminds me why looking out for other people is inherently worthwhile

Mr. Cable-who reminds me every time I see him that there is undeniable worth in doing what you love and leaving something behind when you're done

Kristie-for always coming through when I need her and being someone I can relate to on a level that I hardly have the words to explain

Alejandra-for being true to her word and for playing den mother to the drunk and the disastrous(myself included)

Stuart-for reminding me that I'm not the outsider I like to cast myself as. For teaching me not to take myself/the world so seriously. For the brilliant words of Baba Ram(definite sp) that I will never understand

Terrie-for a very sentimental moment of sympathy that I haven't yet thanked her for.

Bert-for always being the most affectionate dude I know.

Shicky-for being the John Lennon of the group...and incidentally reminding me not to put my foot in my mouth

Shafik-for unknowingly showing kindness when it was needed and much appreciated. For reminding me that being outgoing doesn't mean being fake or weak.

Katrina-for kindness that is not entirely undestood, but always appreciated.

To the sincere honest-eyed girl that girl that cut me down for reasons unknown. The impact displaces the discomfort, and reminds me that it's always worth the gamble.

Liset-for amazing me, shaming me and making me remember things I can't help but love all in the same sentence.

Mr. Billow-who has stood by me longer than he should. A man with a lot of character and far too much exuberance

John-who makes me remember where I come from fondly. For being family I can be proud of

Sarah-She taught me how to say fuck it and still be compassionate at the same time. For having much more talent and never being conceited about it

Ryan-For his dedication and his capacity to survive it all

For the old friends, who put up with me, remind me that loyalty is always worth the time, distance and fight.

For the new friends that constantly surprise me, show me the value of actually putting myself out there, and remind me that the world is hardly as static as I'd like to define it

To my enemies, who I will always talk shit about, but I recognize have shaped me into the person I am. Playing Dante and assuming loss, they've done more for me than I'm ever really willing to admit.

Strangely, to the shunts and pangs that come with infatuation...if it weren't for them I do believe my life wouldn't be half as interesting.

Last and foremost to anyone who would actually read this whole thing. You have the patience of a saint and I am really surprised if you're not immediate family. Thanks for listening to the rant and should you ever ask for it, I will owe you the beverage of your choice.

There are many names missing, and it's not for lack of trying. If I'm talking to you, it's entirely because I love your company. I do believe that's enough sentimentality for one night. Enjoy